Almost Sucks: Chapter 20

title: Almost Sucks
author: Mashiro
fandom: Naruto
spoilers: No
type of story: AU, BOYS LOVE [NarutoxSasuke, LeexGaara, KakashixIruka]
rating: Nothing overly mature yet; some bad language and smoking. Some making out and raging hormones.

This is sort of a short chapter, I'm sorry. But I really like it. ^-^ How come I make everyone a smoker? What's with me and fan fiction and smoking? I don't even smoke myself! No one in my family smokes and only one of my friends and I barely ever see her. It's a mystery.

Oh, and there's a small Oblivion thing in this chapter. As in Oblivion the game. Keep an eye out for it if you've played it. I played a lot of Oblivion while I wrote this. I got up really early and snatched my brother's computer before he got out of bed, since my computer is too pathetic to handle the game.

Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto, I'm just a fan. This is a FANFICTION.

~

Chapter 20: Two months


Kakashi was in the shower when the doorbell rang. Sasuke was at the table eating breakfast, trying to chew and swallow a mouthful of whole-wheat toast that was a bit too big. He'd bitten off a bit more than he could chew in other words, or at least a bit more than he could chew comfortably.

While he struggled, Sasuke heard Kakashi shout happily from behind the bathroom door. 'Get the door, Sasuke, or I'll get it myself and you'll be embarrassed! Maybe it's a neighbor!' He said neighbor like it was code for 'Naruto'. And it probably was. Sasuke couldn't for his life understand why almost everyone around him these days was an idiot to some degree. Was it karma? Had he wronged someone somewhere that he didn't know of? Maybe it was fate? Maybe there really was such a thing as fate and Neji was right?

“I'll get it!” Sasuke croaked when the damned lump of bread had finally passed through his esophagus. He hurried from the kitchen to the hall, more because he was annoyed than because he didn't want whoever was at the door to have to wait. It was probably just that damned Naruto anyway. The blond had developed a habit of visiting too early in the morning when he had forgotten what they had for homework. Stupid. Naruto must be one of the most idiotic idiots around Sasuke.

It wasn't Naruto this time, though the blond part had been right. A huge chest barely contained by a too small top, a lipsticked smile and sparkling eyes.

“Yo!”

“Tsunade?”

The annoyance was whisked away and replaced by surprise.

“I know, I know, it's unexpected,” the woman said. “Just go with it. I wanna see how you live. Let me in, will you?”

“Sure,” Sasuke huffed and left the door, heading for the kitchen. “Make yourself at home. I have to go soon though, or I'll be late for school.”

“Oh, don't worry about that,” Kakashi said as he left the bathroom, but didn't elaborate. Sasuke refused to turn and see what he was wearing or not. He smelled conspiracy and supposed he should have been annoyed, if he wasn't so used to it. Instead he just sighed and went back to his toast. He didn't particularly like that he was getting used to weird and annoying things, but he didn't have the energy to care. Too early in the morning, he tried to convince himself.

“Morning, Kakashi,” Tsunade said happily; it sounded like she'd just returned from some quick tour of the first floor of the house that she'd given herself.

“Good morning! Did you make it without getting lost?”

Tsunade snorted.

“Of course I did. I like the house.”

“Do you want some breakfast?”

“No, no. I ate before I left. Though I could steal some coffee if Sasuke is responsible for it.”

“Oh, you're mean.”

Kakashi came into the kitchen with Tsunade following and they joined Sasuke at the table. At least Kakashi had the decency to wear a t-shirt with the towel around his hips. The man snatched one of Sasuke's toasts and poured himself and Tsunade two cups of coffee.

Tsunade was another one of those idiots, it didn't matter that she was a professional psychologist with many diplomas on the walls in her office. She might know how to fix the troubled minds of others but her own was apparently beyond hope. She smoked, drank and gambled. And not in moderation either, it was amazing that she'd managed to keep her license.

But maybe that was the reason Sasuke liked her. Tsunade wasn't perfect. She knew she wasn't and she didn't pretend to be. She talked like she knew what she was talking about. Really knew; not like 'I read it in a book once'. Sasuke had met a lot of professional psychiatrists through the years and Tsunade was one of the few that he respected. It was scary really, how many clueless shrinks there were out there.

“Ah, yes,” Kakashi said. “Don't worry about school, Sasuke. I called in and said you had an appointment with the dentist.”

As if Sasuke hadn't guessed already. Wouldn't be much of a conspiracy if Kakashi hadn't thought about school.

“Alright,” Sasuke said and took another bite of his last toast. He threw a glance at Tsunade and her small smile and the look in her eyes said that she was in analyzing mode. Usually the shrinks Sasuke had met got all serious when they analyzed, and scribbled notes; but Tsunade didn't have to. Didn't have to look serious and didn't have to scribble notes. Because he was looking at Tsunade, Sasuke didn't catch the glint in Kakashi's eyes before it was too late.

“Oh, and I called Naruto too,” the man chirped. “So he doesn't worry.”

That damned asshole of a bastard! Sasuke tried to not choke on the bread but failed. Tried desperately not to blush but he was sure he failed there too. He didn't have to look at Tsunade to know that she knew. She didn't say anything, but she so knew. Fucking Kakashi!

“Alright,” Sasuke coughed, as soon as he could, and failed at sounding casual. He also failed at not throwing murderous glares across the table.

But he wasn't as upset as he wanted to be. A part of him tried to convince the rest of the parts that it was actually a good thing. Because, at least now he didn't have to feel bad about not telling Tsunade. Or worse, he wouldn't have to decide that telling her was a good idea and bring the thing up himself.

Half an hour later Kakashi left for work. Sasuke and Tsunade stayed at the kitchen table for a while, talking about meaningless things; the weather, the house and how quiet the neighborhood was. Tsunade was as much of a city person as Sasuke was, though in her case it was more because of what the city could offer than the city itself. There weren't many casinos to be found in small towns, after all; and none of the few bars were open at noon.

They talked around the things that they would eventually talk about, when they were out of the house, which they would be eventually. It was a session after all, apparently. Tsunade had come to visit Sasuke at home before but she never talked serious in the house. 'A home was a home,' she said. 'Home was for relaxing, not for work.'

So she would later ask him out 'for a date', to get him away from home. They would go for a walk, a longer one or just a trip to the nearest bench where they would smoke together for a while. Or they would take the car somewhere, a café, a restaurant, a casino, a marina or some really odd and unexpected place. Once, a couple of years back, Tsunade had taken the car out of the city and into the countryside, even more remote than this place. She had found a small bumpy road and had let Sasuke drive the car. 'The new version of shock therapy,' she had said, not even trying to make it serious. But it had been fun. Even with the short off road detour that had followed Sasuke's reaction to suddenly sharing the road with a huge stray cow. A couple of other times, Shikamaru had gotten invited to the session as well. And sometimes they were just in the office having a normal therapy talk. You never knew.

Sasuke supposed that was another reason he liked Tsunade. She wasn't conventional. You never quite knew what she had planned. But they always did get the actual therapy part of the session done. Tsunade always seemed to have the right thing to say for the right time and place, managing to time in Sasuke's reactions so that the situation would never be more embarrassing than it had to be, or dangerous.

If she was clever or just lucky, Sasuke never knew. One might think it had to be intelligence, because Tsunade's lack of luck was famous. Well, famous at the casinos anyway. Though, others might claim that Tsunade just wasted all of her luck on her work and didn't have any left for her gambling. Sasuke didn't really care either way.

It was Sasuke that spotted Naruto first; but Tsunade kept such a close eye on him that he didn't even have a chance to wish she wouldn't notice that he saw the blond, before he realized that she had noticed. She turned and looked. Raised her brows. Glanced at Sasuke and back out the window.

“Cute,” she smiled.

“Cut it out,” Sasuke sighed. “It's enough that that Kakashi bastard keeps nagging.”

“What? I can't think he's cute?” Tsunade said, and took a sip of her coffee. “He's got… natural bed hair.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes at that. Naruto strolled past the window, on the other side of the road, looking as clueless as he was, staring at what seemed to be Sasuke's bedroom window. Stupid blond.

But Tsunade didn't say anything more. Sasuke had hoped that she would, because if she did then it wasn't serious. She definitely would have demanded to know more about it immediately, if she didn't want to talk about it later, as serious. Sasuke wasn't sure he wanted to discuss Naruto seriously. He had an itching feeling that if he started to look at things with different eyes, something would change that he wanted to stay the same.

Sasuke had sort of stopped thinking about things after that talk he had had in the rain with Gaara. Not all together stopped thinking about things, of course. And he didn't ignore Naruto; in fact, they spent a lot more time together now than they had before. It was just that Sasuke didn't think about it. It wasn't a natural or very 'not thinking about it', however. More of an 'I can't handle this right now' or an 'I'll take care of the details tomorrow.' He had gotten tired of fighting the things that happened, because to be honest, it didn't seem to make a difference anyway. So he'd ended up fighting his thoughts instead, trying to keep them as few as possible and as shallow as possible.

Thoughts like 'Shit, that guy is sloppy when he eats' and 'How can a guy that sucks so bad at sports also suck at Playstation fighting games?' were allowed, while thoughts like 'Why do I keep coming here?' and 'I wouldn't really mind it if he…' were strictly forbidden. Though if Tsunade wanted to talk serious, those thoughts would have to be allowed.

In a way it felt good; because just as he had gotten tired of fighting the things that happened, he had started to get tired of fighting the things he wanted to think. Though he wasn't quite ready to admit it. But if Tsunade brought up the subject, he would have to be ready. She would push him off the cliff so he didn't have to jump.

At the same time Sasuke was scared shitless. It wasn't just that he didn't want to jump. He wanted the cliff to disappear, to never have existed at all.

“What do you say,” Tsunade said when the school bus had left and there was no more coffee. “You wanna go ruin our lungs?”

Sasuke couldn't help but smile, though his stomach swirled because he knew what she was really saying. 'Are you ready for serious?'

“Yeah,” he said. Because for some reason he felt that he was.

This time they went for a walk. Tsunade shared her cigarettes with Sasuke, goodhearted as she was, and they strolled side by side down the street, passed Naruto's house. It wasn't a marvelous day; no blue sky without a cloud; but it wasn't raining either. It was something in between. Now and then sunny, now and then cloudy. There didn't seem to be any rain the air though. And no one was outside. The closest you got was the woman standing in her window shaking mats, making snapping sounds. She did that a lot, that woman. And she sort of glared at them too, probably because of the cigarettes. Maybe she didn't think fifteen-year-olds should be smoking. Or maybe it was more that women in their forties shouldn't let fifteen-year-olds smoke.

“So tell me about the cute blond first.” Tsunade said when they had passed the house with the woman and her mats. “He sort of reminds me of someone but I can't remember who. Naruto, was it?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke sighed. “He's just a friend.”

“Just a friend? There's no “just” about being your friend. You're not the type.”

“So a friend.”

“Sound better. How did you meet?”

“Kakashi's dating his dad. We got invited over to their house the day after we moved in.”

“That's working fast, even for Kakashi.”

“I know. He's such a pervert. Though… I have this feeling that he's kind of serious this time, so fucked up.”

“Really?” Tsunade hummed. “So you and Naruto became friends?”

“I… I wouldn't call it that,” Sasuke frowned. “I suppose we are now though. But I didn't like him when we met; I told him so, but he was too stupid to get it. He kept following me, like some adoring fan, really annoying.”

“But it's fine now?” Tsunade asked, though she didn't sound surprised.

“I suppose.”

“You like him?”

Sasuke hesitated, held back the automatic grossed out 'no!' that wanted out. Because it wasn't true. 'No' was not true and Sasuke was suddenly very tired of not true. Like he was very tired of many things.

“I suppose.”

“Good,” Tsunade said and Sasuke could hear that she was smiling. “You need some more friends.”

And that, apparently, was that. Sasuke was surprised to find that she didn't say anything more about Naruto. No 'are you in love with him?' and no 'how far have you taken things this time?' Tsunade knew that Sasuke was more interested in guys than in girls. He had told her about his 'sort of dating but not really' and that had all been with guys. It would have been natural for her to assume or at least wonder if there was something like that going on with Naruto. Right?

It felt sort of like he'd been robbed of something. Like he'd been patiently listening to a joke only to miss the punch line. He'd gotten all worked up about this for nothing. No matter how hard he tried not to care, Sasuke's mood took a swing downward.

When Tsunade asked how he had liked it here so far, he snorted and said that it sucked. He went on about how he missed the sounds and lights and smells of the city. The stores and the people and the attitude. Tsunade asked some good questions, from a therapy session point of view, and Sasuke had to think and answer and rethink. But it wasn't what he wanted to think about. Not what he wanted to be asked about, not the questions he wanted to answer. And then eventually they were home again and serious was over. Tsunade wanted coffee and Sasuke made a can. When she wanted something sweet to go with it he looked through the cupboards.

It wasn't until they were both seated at the table in the kitchen again, that the question Sasuke had been waited for came. But it didn't come as he had expected it, so the answer he had memorized was useless.

“What you have with Naruto,” she said casually; and Sasuke's heart jumped in his chest like her words had been a sudden shooting right next to his ear. “Is it different from what you had with Neji?”

Sasuke only hesitated because he was surprised about the question, not because he didn't know what to answer.

“Yes,” he said. Because it definitely was different.

Sasuke and Neji's friendship had started out very strangely. They had run into each other at parties, when they were both more or less drunk, and the meetings had for some reason always ended with them making out on some couch. They had eventually tried to have some sort of more serious relationship, that didn't just involve loud music and alcohol, but the attempt had been announced a failure after only one week. They had become friends after that though, good friends, and that was possibly the strangest thing about it all.

No, Sasuke's relationship with Naruto wasn't like his relationship with Neji, though there were some similarities to be found. There had been that short and weird make-out session, and the feeling of inescapable repetition, not being able to get out of it, was there with Naruto as it had been with Neji. But…

Neji had never shouted that he wanted to marry Sasuke. He had never followed as insistently as Naruto did. Sasuke and Neji were alike in many ways, one of them being that they were both stubborn, and that they would both rather not admit what they were feeling. The idea that they could try to actually go out for real had been Shikamaru's, and it had taken a lot of effort to convince them it might be a good one. And it had been; a good idea. They were friends now and everything was fine.

Sasuke wasn't sure though, if trying a serious relationship would work out the same way with Naruto as it had with Neji. Or rather, he was sure. It wouldn't work out the same way. They wouldn't give up after a week and become good friends. The thought of that gave Sasuke violent stomach swirls.

“So, what's it like?” Tsunade said, and this time her voice was soft. It wasn't official, it wasn't work. Sasuke knew now that was why she had waited. It was her caring and Sasuke wanting to share.

“I don't know,” he said. “It's… It's weird. I want to get away, but it's like I can't. Not because someone is holding on to me, but because… I mean, he is holding on to me but that's not why I… Not why I can't get away. And I'm not sure I want to get away. It's just… really confusing.”

Sasuke wanted to keep talking, say more things, but he couldn't form the words. Didn't know what he wanted to express.

Tsunade didn't say anything, just sipped at her coffee and Sasuke was grateful for that. Like he didn't know what he wanted to express, he wasn't sure what he wanted to hear. If he wanted to hear anything at all. The realization struck him like a stone fallen from the sky. Maybe the reason he didn't know what to say or how to say it, was that Tsunade wasn't the one he should or wanted to say it to. It was a scary thought, but Sasuke couldn't quite let it go.

When Tsunade finally spoke, it was about something else, and even though Sasuke didn't really want to leave the subject, it was fine.

“It's been two months today, hasn't it?” she said. “Since you guys moved out here.”

Sasuke had to think. Two months felt like a very long time. Had it really been that long? But when he thought about it, he found that it was true.

“Yeah,” he said. “It's been two months.”

“Good work,” Tsunade smiled. “And you don't have to worry about those other things. I have no doubt that you will sort things out.”

And it made Sasuke feel better. He gave a weak smile together with a soft sigh and said 'alright'.

~

Chapter 21